Alan Watts

Alan Watts died way before the Internet was a thing, but this didn't stop his talks on "philosophy" being perpetually popular on online media platforms. I never really spent time perusing them but whenever I come across them they never fail to impress. Quite hypnotizing really. I suspect that the answers he found to Important Questions of Life are pretty similar to what I found myself (albeit I probably disagree with him on some minor points).

And after all these years, I've started to believe that, even though truth is inherently subjective, there are models of truth that lead to a labyrinth of never-ending questions (the stuff that PhD in Philosophy theses are made of), and there are models that are (relatively) clear, concise and satisfactory -- and the latter ones lead to better answers for Important Questions of Life... and the answers do generally converge, perhaps because the number solutions decrease as you optimize for some attributes.

Yet the funny thing is, there's actually no "objective" meaning to finding the solutions to these Questions. Any notion that these solutions help one solve practical problems in real life are probably misguided, although sometimes it might help you in making slightly better decisions -- but so would pretty much any arbitrary/complicated belief system that has withstood Darwinistic trials.

So in the end it is just like solving riddles. The journey is more important than the destination. There's no medal or achievement for solving them, and it's even meaningless to discuss them among people who have already solved them. There's occasionally some fun in hinting the way towards the solution for those who haven't got it yet, but in retrospect even that might be considered an unnecessary spoiler.

----------

Lies, Damn Lies...

Statistics tip: Always try to get data that's good enough that you don't need to do statistics on it - Randall (xkcd2400)

This rings so true. When data points to an obvious conclusion, you don't need fancy analysis to arrive at some hypothetical correlation that may or may not be real. Perhaps the emphasis on statistical tools and methods within the sciences and social sciences in recent decades are a symptom that real progress is hard to come by, and data had to be marinated with statistical sauce to be made to work.

Statistics is also heavily utilized in "big data" as well -- even disregarding the "little data" applications and  puffs-and-smoke buzzwords, it may be true that even "real" big data is somewhat doomed from the start -- sure, you may crunch the numbers and discover that a 2.4% increase in user engagement can be achieved by tweaking some feature, and that often translates well into bottom line numbers... but the crucial question is unanswered -- does it make a better product? Does the user actually benefit?

And thus the old adage: Lies, Damn Lies, ... and Statistics.

Queen's Gambit

It felt like the Cinderella tropes crossed with Hollywood obsessions.

Production and acting was great, but a good story should at least be somewhat believable. Drugs and alcohol and these highly "rational" intellectual pursuits don't really mix. I had a hard time believing anyone, regardless of gender or race, would be able to perform competitively by habitually binging on drugs and alcohol that are well known to dull the senses. Perhaps in the more artistic pursuits one would have an advantage if they could see things differently with an altered perception, but chess is objective and requires utmost mental clarity.

We all need aspirations to get by, and having a strong, talented heroine competing in a game dominated by men is a wonderful story if told right. Yet believability is subjective. Knowing the "vibe" of the kind of people that win national championships in intellectual games give off, prevents me from enjoy the story as most other people would. There's just not enough passion, not enough drive for self-improvement, not enough emphasis on self-discipline, and too much pettiness, too much plebbery. At a world championship level, every player is blessed with all the talent that is humanly possible -- it is a statistical impossibility that anybody, regardless of gender or race, could rely on mostly talent and barge in and win while being distracted by serious personal issues on the side. You compete by giving up less important things in your life to focus on doing what it takes make it to the very top. And the sad truth is that, the privileged requires fewer sacrifices. Hollywood made a valiant attempt at balancing our protagonist's passion, character and talent with her emotional struggles to make things relatable with the average viewer, but in retrospect given the ecosystem there, there's probably no way it could have succeeded in writing anything remotely believable (to me at least).

Cinderella is a more believable story if it had a fairy than if it had not. But the audience wanted a fairytale without a fairy-godmother nor a prince charming. The modern woman is too independent for that, they say. And so, after experimenting with drugs, alcohol and sex, the girl in dirty rags suddenly became Queen on her own, without even really half-struggling, just because.

The funny thing is, while women and men do of course pull off some incredible feats in real life by winning some sort of lottery (often genetic), the rules of fiction is different. Truth is stranger than fiction, they say, and I think they're right. You need a fairy in a fairytale. A story of some person winning some kind of lottery, then living happily ever after, makes for a horrible story because it's "unrealistic", even though this happens to many people on a daily basis.

食戟

 我今日先發現原來我喺斷食期間煲《食戟》............................... :0)

Non-Dieting

早前老婆約咗十月尾補影婚紗相，九月同十月刻意減咗幾磅，大概由 Xkg 變成 (X-5)kg。主要都係食少啲飯(low-er-carb)同食少餐飯 (論量詞嘅重要性)。話說 Keto-Potato-Chips Diet 原來都減到幾磅，真係幾得意。

不過而家體重仍然係太高，繼續現時飲食習慣，似乎唔會再減到半磅 (有回升趨勢)。

所以趁住呢幾日冇咩約又唔使返工就開始嘗試重拾斷食嘅惡趣味。暫時發現，買餸同煮飯好難避免攝取能量，好難進入標準嘅 water fast 😞  尋日冇咩點食嘢，不過都食咗幾啖，今朝如所料淨係瞓咗六個鐘，幾精神。

下晝去咗買餸買食糧，返嚟忍唔住試咗幾啖，點知整個人進入咗 "食咗嘢" mode，頭暈腦脹。

不過都有啲幾有趣嘅實驗結果：食牛油(yes, eat)果然係唔會令身體有咩反應，反而食肉同麵豉湯就會有幾大反應。而家有少少眼瞓，真係唔知點搞。頂。

附上一包 Keto 雞皮圖片，早排喺 Donki 買嘅。

蝦膏

 原來蝦膏 (好似磚頭嗰種，唔係蝦頭入面嗰種) 可以加落熱油開稀用嚟做調味料，睇嚟幾好用。會得閒試下佢 (唔多鍾意用蝦醬)

Mox (virtual bank)

今日心血來潮開咗個 Mox 帳戶。

開戶流程非常順暢，果然係幾分鐘開到。個 user interface 亦都好好用，UX 一流。唯一令我有少少擔心嘅係⋯ 嘩連地址證明都唔使咁屈機？然後攞住我 HKID 同 電話就可以由其他銀行過數落嚟咁屈機？(如果咁做有問題，唔係 Mox 嘅問題而係香港行銀體制容許呢樣嘢嘅問題啩...) 感覺上佢哋一反傳統銀行常態，喺保安(*)同UX取得個平衡，真係幾唔錯。

* 所謂「保安」好多時只係令一件事更加難做保障銀行，係咪保障用家就反而有得斟酌...

俺を好きなのはお前だけかよ

《俺を好きなのはお前だけかよ》頭幾集幾好睇，之後劇情急轉直下，個結局 OVA 真係慘不忍賭⋯ :-(

かぐや姫の物語

輝夜姬(Love is War嗰個)早排幾hit，我睇咗。最近留意到原來有個出自《竹取物語》嘅原版故仔，仲有個動畫版𠻹 (GHIBLI製作嘅)，所以我就睇咗。

香港好似冇咩人提呢套戲，上 Google 查「"輝夜姬物語"」嘅結果竟然會周圍見到宮崎駿，真係有冇搞錯。以唔特別鍾意睇 feature length film 嘅我嚟講 (有少少ADHD嘛，見上post)，呢套戲真係罕有地好睇 (利申有fast fwd)，同埋嗰種複雜嘅 aftertaste，有啲啲繞梁三日嘅感覺。

ADHD?

直至最近，我都冇諗過自己會可能有 ADHD。

"Hyperactivity-impulsivity" 嗰種我肯定唔係，起碼長大之後肯定唔係。(細個都應該冇... 不過年代遠久難以考察)

"Inattentive" 嗰種呢，由於啲徵狀通常係講 "trouble focusing" "inattention to details" "organizing tasks and activities" 之類，同我人生似乎冇咩直接關係。

但最近望下望下，越嚟越發現自己應該真係有啲 ADHD 徵狀。睇返啲 symptoms 又真係中鳩晒，IP 都唔使 check (**)。ADHD (inattentive 嗰種) 原來從來都在身邊，只不過本大爺「生涯規劃」技藝超群，將一切問題 work around 晒，啲「symptoms」變晒「優勢」咁用，所以睇住個 list 一直都未能 connect the dots...

ADHD 喺其他身上點現形 (manifest) 我唔知啦，但喺我身上最明顯嘅就係「怕悶」。嗰種「怕」係非一般嘅怕，係「悶到咁仲要我做不如一槍打死我啦」嗰種程度。迫得太緊試過會 suicidal ，絕對唔係誇張嘅修辭嚟。不過我天生好學不惓 (認識我嘅人就知我涉獵甚廣)，好多嘢只要第一次接觸都唔怕悶，所以極少會學習期間「悶」到出現 "inattentive" 嘅徵狀，學業去到大學之前都一直冇咩問題(*)。所以我之前從來冇懷疑過自己 ADHD ，大概就係咁嘅原因。

「只要人生避免晒啲「悶」嘢咪冇事囉！」所以話我「生涯規劃」好成功，一直都冇咩點出事。如果我返一份朝九晚五日日做重覆動作嘅工，我諗我一早入咗精神病院。好在唔係。但嗰啲咩「成日唔見嘢」、「唔記得交電話費」、「約咗人唔記得咗」嗰類生活問題其實都有嘅，但始終只係「不便」，唔死得人，有方法 workaround，冇咩所謂。暫時生活上最大嘅問題係，只要平時啲煩瑣嘢太多，會 overload，但我跟 schedule 做嘢又會「要我做不如一槍打死我啦」，所以好多時都要「斷捨離」，化繁為簡，俾啲空間自己走盞。

啲人成日話，high functioning ADHD 其實係好嘢嚟。我好同意。「怕悶」引致嘅 "attention deficit" 係一種 "the glass is half empty" 嘅講法，實際上我從來都認為「悶就咪9做」係成功嘅要素 。唔做悶嘢，集中精力去做「有趣」嘅嘢，咁世界先至會朝著有趣嘅方向發展架嘛。我由十幾歲嗰陣就已經好清楚，只要自己願意專注去做一樣嘢，嗰樣嘢一定會做得好好，斷估比平均高兩三個 SD 咁上下。不過一旦要重覆去做嗰樣嘢，就算第一次係好好，第二次都會差咗，然後每況越下，直至做到比一般廢人更差為止。

睇返網上啲資訊，呢種玩法似乎唔係 typical ADHD 患者嘅煩惱嚟，所以佢哋只有 attention deficit，我就係 "focus surplus" (佢哋叫做 "hyperfocus")。只要避開重覆性或悶嘅工作，我係絕對唔會 attention deficit 嘅。所以我一直都冇諗過自己竟然係 ADHD。

至於點樣避免重覆性同悶嘅工作呢？好簡單，就係做電腦同埋做創作。電腦嘅主要功能之一就係 將程序自動化。我只要知道要做乜，寫一次程式，以後第二次以致第 N 都由電腦自動執行，就唔會有「重覆做嘢越做越差」嘅問題；至於點避免「悶」嘢⋯ 只要你證明自己有本事處理奇難雜症，上頭就唔會暴殄天物俾你做機械人架啦 :0) 我甚至懷疑我「處理悶嘢」都係有一手：始終 ADHD 係個 spectrum 嚟，「正常人」處理悶嘢都係會越嚟越難集中，而我就係熟知晒所有「伏位」，制定程序嗰陣可以做到比較「滴水不漏」-- 只要係我設計個程序而唔係我人手 run 就 OK，要我 run 實出事無誤。

不過，人生始終會越嚟越少「有趣」嘅嘢做，如果第日所有嘢都變得沉悶又點算？呢個先至係我遇到最大嘅 existential question 呀。不過呢個問題明知冇解，就唔好諗佢太多喇。

----------

* 「冇問題」係結果，不過過程都係幾有趣嘅，大概係每個科目分別都用「專注去做一樣嘢」嘅方法逐個擊破，一直都覺得學校上堂每日上五六個唔同嘅科目嘅課係好影響我。俾著我最好係 intensively 咁幾日學完一個 topic 再去諗第二科，而我溫公開試嘅方略通常都係咁。

**: 冇驗呀，驗嚟做乜？ 雖然話 self-diagnosis 好危險，但屌你咩，我做 armchair psychologist 都係有一手架。如果呢個「病」係真嘅我肯撚定有。

來自星星的你

 無聊起嚟走去睇咗《來自星星的你》，發現原來都唔係坊間講到咁不堪。

作為愛情偶像劇，賣靚仔同FF嘅劇嚟講，算係幾唔錯架喇。

感覺前半截劇情幾緊湊，不過後半有啲拖拖拉拉。人設係有啲屈機但作為 "junk food" 咁鳩睇還好啦。 

Summer

盛夏睇 500 Days of Summer 好似幾應節。冇咩原因，心血來潮。

記得十幾年前有朋友介紹睇，當時我正值人生低潮，同男主角個情況有啲似，佢話可能會有共鳴咁。

但一直都冇睇⋯ 當時冇，之後都好似冇，不過呢幾年記性太差真係睇完唔記得都唔出奇。

Anyway

有返少少人生歷練嘅人都會明白，男主角 Tom 係個「小屁孩」。唔識得愛人，所以得唔到愛，十分之正常。男主角嘅是是非非一早有定論。相反，套戲以男主視角敍事，女主角 Summer 嘅心路歷程究竟係點，似乎有啲撲朔迷離。事實係咪咁呢？我覺得，劇本對女主角著墨相對較少，但已經勾劃出佢嘅心路歷程：

- 自細父母分離，唔相信愛情
- 喺學校唔受朋輩歡迎，平時被孤立，養成奇特嘅性格
- 會鍾意人，但怕受傷
- 冇朋友，好想交個真心朋友
- 怕受傷、唔信愛情，但更加怕孤獨

Summer 對 Tom 嘅忽冷忽熱，某部份可以用 Tom 呢位「不可靠的敘事者」解釋，但我認為更合理嘅係 Summy 本身「唔相信愛情但更怕孤獨」嘅性格設定。好多人都睇得出 Tom 一開始係「小屁孩」之後略有成長，但女角 Summer 何嘗唔係？以佢所講，佢之前啲男朋友其實都係「炮友」性質，遇到 Tom 先第一次嘗試放開心扉，同異性交身之餘仲交埋心。

任何戲劇最重要嘅元素就係傲嬌，女角基本上一定要傲嬌嘅[1]。Summer 明明話唔想談戀愛，但最終熬唔住孤獨同 Tom 發展咗一段唔知係乜嘅關係。如果大團圓結局，就係 Tom 「融化咗女主角冰冷嘅心」然後娶得美人歸 —— 不過呢刻 Tom 係個唔識得點樣愛人嘅「小屁孩」，Summer 亦都視 Tom 為朋友多於戀人，始終覺得佢唔係啱嘅人。

觀眾發現 Summer 閃婚第一個反應可能係驚愕，但再仔細諗下就會好清楚： Summer 來自破碎家庭，唔相信愛情同婚姻，同朋輩關係唔好，唔多識點同人相處，一直只靠美貌攞著數，同埋同俊男做炮友，根本唔知戀愛為何物。故事初佢啱啱搬到新城市，好想交新朋友，見 Tom 冧佢，就打算用美色交換友情。點知發現 Tom 原來真心膠得咁緊要，自己亦因缺乏人生經驗分唔清愛情同友情嘅界線，一段關係喺友情同愛情中交錯，不淪不類。雖然做唔成情人，但孤怜怜嘅 Summer 仍然自私咁想 Tom 做佢嘅「朋友」，事實上 Tom 亦都可能真係佢第一個佢願意真心相待嘅朋友嚟。最後，雖然兩人不歡而散，但 Summer 有咗呢次「交朋友 + 戀愛」經驗之後， 佢對自己、對處理人際關係、對愛情嘅信心都明顯增強，所以之後再遇上一個令佢心動嘅男人，佢就決定嫁俾佢。

當然，從來都冇人話 Summer 嘅婚姻好美滿。嗰個男人，可能純粹冇 Tom 咁失敗同落泊而已。或者，有潦倒嘅 Tom 做對比，就算普通人一個都變得好似白馬王子咁耀眼。

所以，Summer 係咪一個「 bitch 」呢？由於成長背景關係，佢係一個唔識社交但機心重嘅人。 遇到 Tom 之前，佢所認識嘅世界嘅人都對佢好仆街，而佢「只係」渴求有真心朋友，飢渴到想用美色去換取啫。明碼實價，一早講明，係咪真係咁 bitch？我真係唔識評論。

到故事最後，Tom 終於重拾自信唔做毒撚主動約女仔，而 Summer 亦都被 Tom 嘅天真感動，願意對愛情孤注一擲。呢個故仔係有各自有缺陷嘅一男一女遇上對方因而成長嘅故事，片頭 narrator 一早講咗，呢個唔係一個 "love story"。

----

之後諗諗下，發現 500 Days of Summer 男女之間嘅關係，有啲似王小波嘅「黃金時代」。點解「偉大友誼」竟然係用嚟「敦」，答案大概與上述類同⋯

----
[1] 男比女傲嬌嘅故仔印像中唔多，最深刻印像係 Pride and Prejudice (另按：不過P&P女主角嘅當然都係傲嬌)。不過作者係女人，可能都有啲關係⋯ 諗落P&P男主角好似有少少都敏俊嘅影子?????!!

Venus

印像中之前都見過 venus_angelic 呢個名，不過今日因為無聊花咗少少時間食咗佢幾年嘅花生，佢個故事都真係幾癲。有一百萬個 subscriber 但一個可以當作家人嘅人都冇，靠 youtube 觀眾倍伴成長，究竟係一個咩世界？ 真係難怪會有咁多心理病 :(

葉師傅沙嗲牛

最出名喺素食餐廳整威靈頓牛肉嘅葉師傅又有新搞作！

沙嗲牛~

葉師傅喺Facebook公佈呢個新產品嘅時候我都睇漏咗眼——因為佢Facebook嗰張圖實在太⋯普通。 不過食過葉師傅嘅出品都知道必屬佳品，所以我早幾日就同佢訂咗六份沙嗲牛。

即係咁，我影相都唔叻，但起碼咁影先得架嘛⋯ (最多加句：麵唔包)

食評：好好食 😋 其實呢個係第三包，頭兩包我已經搶先食晒，今次特登留返個機會俾相機，大家先有相睇~  希望我煮嘅麵唔會失禮葉師傅嘅牛肉啦 XD

份量方面，我比較大食所以一個人食晒，大大啖肉，絕對冇呃秤。如果你冇我咁大食，可以當兩人份量嘅。

製作花絮：

葉師傅建議 sous vide 但本窮撚冇架生所以⋯

兩個煲裡面都係水

Still no life

就係咁～

No Life

發現舊年由九月開始到今年四月都冇新post。

點解？

版主走咗去打 WoW Classic.....

鬧鐘鈴聲

鬧鐘鈴聲擾人清夢，但又唔可以唔用。有時鈴聲太刺耳，起身嗰刻特別煩躁。

所以喺電話度搵返啲「柔和」(唔係細聲)啲嘅音樂做鬧鐘。

我用緊呢首：

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLM2R0xtNWA

(其實我手機係用 iTunes 版，不過方便網友聽就去 youtube 啦)

呢位女歌手叫 Chloë Agnew，名不經傳，亦都唔係出咗好多歌。我都唔知之前喺邊度搵佢呢首歌出嚟。佢演繹 Ave Maria 同一般嘅經典西樂女歌手有啲唔同，感覺冇「一直谷盡道氣」，有迴腸百轉嘅空間，係比較柔和嘅一種演繹。

西樂我真係唔熟，尤其係人聲，以上係鳩噏，不過總之我覺得幾好聽啦。見係冷門嘢就擺上嚟分享下。就係咁多~